Spark

Photo by Sumit Rai on Pexels.com

Someone foolish once said, “everything happens for a reason”. It was a good thing I wasn’t standing next to them with a stick, because there would’ve been a good and hearty whacking. For so long, I felt I’d look back at the end of it all and think, “well, that was a bummer”. As Patton Oswalt once commented, I sure don’t want to, “…miss everything cool and die angry”. I definitely don’t want that. So, what choice does that leave me?

In my last post, I talked about letting go of Fear and embracing Peace. I’ve been working hard on that very thing: making my way through the mire of Fear’s murkiness and finding light to lift me out. A good friend of mine told me the universe is a mirror and if I lift up and shine Peace and Joy, then Peace and Joy will be returned to me.

And you know what? It’s amazing what happens when you open your heart and let it shine.

Even these past few days, I have done much to encourage myself (and others) to embrace Peace and Joy, and to relinquish Fear in all its forms. I’ve been reading about love, positivity, and how to be a Badass . I’ve been making my way through the toxic thoughts, the doubt, and the shame (oh, the shame!), and am finding myself actually happy. Not perfectly happy, but I’m trying to find the simple joys in life: a great cup of coffee (sweet nectar of life), a silly movie (bloody bear), videos of voiceover cats in neckties…all of it sparks joy.

And that’s all I need. Just a spark of joy. I’m not climbing Everest anytime soon (I fall off step-ladders), but dammit, going for a drive in the afternoon sun does wonders for me. Laughing with a friend, playing a game, writing…once again finding the joy behind it all. It’s doing wonders for my soul.

I think that’s all for now. I hope you have a wonderful day and can feel the (real or metaphorical) sunshine on your face. You deserve it.

Cheers,

-SJn

Letting Go

As silly as it may sound, one of my favorite things when writing these posts is looking for photos or art that somehow correlate to the topic, like mixing bowls or getting bucked off a horse. I tend to find pictures at the beginning, to give some sort of reference point or continued inspiration. I spent some time this morning looking for pictures, but couldn’t find anything that fit. Maybe I’ll find something at the end.

As the title suggests, my thoughts this morning center around letting go. Letting go of negative and intrusive thoughts. Letting go of fear, sorrow, regret, and accepting things for what they are. Regret has been such a huge part of my life, as has fear (as I’ve stated these past few weeks). I have regretted many of my decisions over the years, especially those that have impacted my heart. Sure, I should have finished college in my 20’s and not my 40’s. Now, one could argue that I wasn’t ready for it yet or I was meant to experience other things in order to better prepare me. Sure, I get that. “All things happen for a reason” as the saying goes. A couple of years ago I sort of made friends with Regret, given choices in my life all seemed for the better. I had found my heart, focused my drive. I even found myself in an odd relationship with Fear: like running into an ex in the grocery store. I was able to say hi and acknowledge Fear, but then let it go without a second glance. I had found a new friend. Peace.

But Fear is a tricky thing. Fear can sneak back into your life without you realizing it. All it takes is a moment, a fleeting thought, and it can drive Peace from the room. Without vigil, work, and focus, you can lose sight of Peace and once again Fear has returned, settling firmly in your heart and head. And with it, Regret and Sorrow were close behind.

There is so much I can say on this topic, but I suppose I’ll get to the main point:

I let go of you

and all that you represent. I choose healing my heart and once again finding Peace. It may not be an easy mountain to climb, but I’ll take it one step at a time. And I know I’ll stumble (like today), but I’ll keep climbing. One day I’ll be able to look you in the eyes, smile, say, “hello”, and carry on with my day. I’ll be able to acknowledge you, think about the times we had together, and then hold Peace’s hand.

Be well, everyone.

Cheers,

-SJn